It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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