It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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