sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize