Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize