I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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