There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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