I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize