Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize