I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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