Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize