the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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