About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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