this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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