We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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