And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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