Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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