Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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