i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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