I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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