i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize