The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize