Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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