I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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