well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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