Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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