Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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