apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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