I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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