it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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