literally had 100 drinks last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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