That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize