so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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