Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize