I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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