if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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