im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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