i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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