I smell stomach acid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize