She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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