dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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