do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize