Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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