you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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