Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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