Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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