Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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