you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone π
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it π
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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