He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Alive.
So much puke
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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