I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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