and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize